Episode 324: Breaking the Cycle of 'Emotionally Immature' Parenting: Healing Insights from Sian Crossley
Some of the deepest childhood wounds don't come from parents who shouted or hurt us. Sometimes they come from parents who simply never had the tools to truly see us.
On this week's episode of The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, I'm joined by Sian Crossley, a London-trained psychotherapist, author and the founder of Break the Cycle Coaching.
With a background in both private practice and the NHS, Sian specialises in helping adults understand and heal from the lasting impact of emotionally immature parenting. Through her writing, courses and online community, she helps thoughtful, self-aware people untangle patterns like people pleasing, self-doubt and over-responsibility, so they can build healthier boundaries and more authentic relationships. She's the author of How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents, and now lives in Malaysia with her two young children, working with clients and audiences around the world.
In this episode, Sian and I talk about what emotionally immature parenting actually looks like, even in a childhood where all the practical boxes were ticked. We explore why feeling unseen can leave a lasting impact, how undiagnosed neurodivergence in a parent's generation often went unnamed and unsupported, and why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when it comes to healing. Sian also shares the foundations of emotionally mature parenting, and how small, consistent changes, like simply asking a child how they feel, can start to break old patterns without anyone needing to be perfect.
In this episode, we cover:
What emotionally immature parenting really looks like, even in a "good enough" childhood
The difference between big T and little T trauma
How undiagnosed neurodivergence in parents shapes the way love and connection are shown
Parentification, and what it means when a child becomes their parent's emotional support
Why grief and acceptance matter more than forgiveness when healing childhood trauma
The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths about a parent at once
Why childhood memories can feel fragmented after emotional neglect
Breaking generational cycles without overcorrecting as a parent
The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting: regulation, self-awareness, empathy and boundaries
Why asking a child how something made them feel can change everything
Timestamps:
00:00 - Welcome, and introducing Sian Crossley and her book
02:40 - What emotionally immature parenting actually looks like
05:03 - Why feeling unseen can matter more than what was provided practically
06:15 - Parentification and becoming a parent's emotional support
07:51 - Kate's own story: a late ADHD diagnosis and family patterns
11:34 - Where healing actually begins
14:48 - Why too much empathy for parents can get in the way of healing
17:16 - Breaking the cycle without overcorrecting as a parent
22:41 - Why fragmented childhood memories are so common
25:23 - Grief, acceptance and why forgiveness isn't the goal
34:03 - The "and, not but" technique for holding two truths
39:05 - The four foundations of emotionally mature parenting
45:04 - How to work with Sian
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Links and Resources:
Find my popular ADHD workshops and resources on my website [here].
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod
Visit Sian's website: breakthecyclecoaching.co.uk
Connect with Sian on Instagram: @sianmorgancrossley
Check out Sian's book, How to Heal from Emotionally Immature Parents
Start a free trial of Sian's membership here
Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.
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