Episode 337: Why You Keep Snapping at the People You Love with Anna Mathur
The sharp words, the slammed drawer, the guilt that follows. If you've ever wondered how you became someone who snaps at the people you love most, this conversation is going to feel very familiar.
On this week's episode of The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Podcast, I'm welcoming back psychotherapist and bestselling author Anna Mathur for a conversation that is honest, warm and full of the kind of insight you don't often get permission to sit with.
Anna is the author of multiple bestselling books and the host of The Therapy Edit podcast, which has reached over four million downloads. She's passionate about taking therapy beyond the consulting room and into the everyday moments where we actually need it most. Her new book, How to Stop Snapping at the People You Love (As Well As the Ones You Don't): A Compassionate Guide to Rage, Regulation and Repair, is out now, and we get into a lot of it here.
Anna and I talk about why snapping isn't a character flaw but a signal, what it's really communicating when everything feels like too much, and how so much of it connects to what we hold inside as women, as ADHD women, as people who were never really taught that anger was allowed. We also talk about hormones, perimenopause, sensory overwhelm, the cheese incident, WhatsApp groups, and why buying calm every day is not a luxury but a necessity.
Do also go back and listen to our previous conversation, which we'll link in the show notes, where we talked about burnout, exhaustion and holding it all together.
In this episode, we cover:
Why snapping and irritability are signals of overwhelm rather than signs of being a bad person
How the good girl conditioning many of us grew up with can turn unexpressed anger inward
Why women with ADHD and neurodivergent women often have a more activated nervous system as a baseline
The connection between perimenopause, hormonal shifts and rising irritability and sensory sensitivity
Why masking all day means the dysregulation has to go somewhere, often home
How circumstantial overwhelm and internal stress create a perfect stormThe unspoken narratives and generational conditioning that keep us holding what isn't ours to hold
Why anger is not the enemy, and what happens when we finally listen to it
The difference between rage and snapping, and why shame makes it harder to process either
Practical ways to create circuit breakers across the day rather than relying on one big reset
Why co-regulation starts with us, and how to buy calm when you have nothing left
Anna's untangling framework from the book, and how to start befriending the anger rather than suppressing it
The importance of finding people and spaces where you can fully unmask
Timestamps:
00:00 - Welcome and introducing Anna Mathur back to the podcast
02:00 - What led Anna to write the book and why snapping shocked her so much
05:00 - The pressure cooker: why it all has to come out somewhere
08:00 - Viewing snapping through a neuro-affirming and hormonal lens
11:00 - How perimenopause amplified sensory sensitivity for Kate and Anna
14:00 - Circumstantial versus internal stress and why both matter
17:00 - The unspoken truths, suppressed emotions and generational conditioning
20:00 - The things we're not saying and how to start listening to that inner voice
24:00 - Rewiring the cognitive narrative that keeps us agreeable at our own expense
27:00 - Late diagnosis, masking and the dysregulation that comes home with us
30:00 - Recognising your personal warning signs before the Richter scale tips
34:00 - The WhatsApp group tipping point and what it's really about
38:00 - How to buy calm: rest, joy, unmasking and snacking on regulation
42:00 - Why co-regulation with our children starts with resourcing ourselves
45:00 - Anna's untangling framework: befriending anger and finding grace in the mess
Links and Resources:
Find my popular ADHD Women's Wellbeing workshops and resources on my website here.
Connect with the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod
Get my book, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit (also available in ebook and audiobook) here
Join the More Yourself membership community here
Visit Anna's website: annamathur.com
Connect with Anna on Instagram
Listen to Anna's podcast: The Therapy Edit
Get Anna's book: How to Stop Snapping at the People You Love (As Well As the Ones You Don't)
Listen to Kate's previous conversation with Anna here
Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.